What more could a weary old Santa desire?

So he puffed at his pipe and remarked to his wife,

This amply makes up for my strenuous life!

From climbing down chimneys my legs fairly ache,

But it's well worth the while for the dear children's sake.

I'd bruise every bone in my body to see

The darlings' delight in a gift-laden tree!

Just then came a sound like a telephone bell--

Though why they should have such a thing I can't tell--

St. Nick gave a snort and exclaimed in a rage,

Bad luck to inventions of this modern age!

He grabbed the receiver--his face wore a frown

As he roared in the mouth-piece, I will not come down

To exchange any toys like an up-to-date store,

Ring off, I'll not listen to anything more!

Then he settled himself by the comforting blaze

And waxed reminiscent of halcyon days

When children were happy with simplest of toys:

A doll for the girls and a drum for the boys--

But again came that noisy disturber of peace

The telephone bell--would the sound never cease?

Run and answer it, wife, all my patience has fled,

If they keep this thing up I shall wish I were dead!

I have worked night and day the best part of a year

To supply all the children, and what do I hear--

A boy who declares he received roller-skates

When he wanted a gun--and a cross girl who states

That she asked for a new Victor talking machine

And I brought her a sled, so she thinks I am 'mean!'

Poor St. Nicholas looked just the picture of woe,

He needed some auto-suggestion, you know,

To make him think things were all coming out right,

For he didn't get one wink of slumber that night!

The telephone wire was kept sizzling hot

By children disgusted with presents they'd got,

And when the bright sun showed its face in the sky

The Santa-Claus family were ready to cry!

Just then something happened--a way of escape,

Though it came in the funniest possible shape--

An aeronaut, sorely in need of a meal,

Descended for breakfast--it seemed quite ideal!

For the end of it was, he invited his host

Out to try the balloon, of whose speed he could boast.

St. Nick, who was nothing if not a good sport,

Was delighted to go, and as quick as a thought

Climbed into the car for a flight in the air--

No telephone bells can disturb me up there!

And, wife, if it suits me I'll count it no crime

To stay up till ready for next Christmas time!

Thus saying--he sailed in the giant balloon,

And I fear that he will not return very soon.

Now, when you ask Central for Santa-Claus land

She'll say, discontinued--and you'll understand.